追い詰められた羊ｗ

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多分生理やし貧血やわ
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学校もうすぐ着くぜ




ＦＹＩ


山口百恵のファイナルライブ
学校行く前にみない方がいい(;_;)

you were too smart, you already knew the meaning of "life." Because u were too smart, you were unable to handle the world, but was disappearing the right answer? u were the truly the weirdist guy i ever knew, but i loved u so much.u would always try to commit suicide, and when it end up to a failure u would always have a gloomy face and say it in a very sad voice,"my suicide ended as a failure.. again" and i would say,"umm, i guess to die is a very hard thing to do.but if your suicide suceeded, i would've feel a little sad?" then your gloomy face disappeared a little bit. how many times u tried to commit suicide, how many times u reported your failed suicide.still, i loved u as u were. even though u would slash ur whole body, even though ur left arm was full with scars, it was so beautiful. u would also buy a book of "How to commit suicide." As you were talking about how u bought that book, how u wanted to die so much, i would listen to ur story with a smile. i was just young, how u lived never feared me, never made me surprized, i was just genuinely in love with u. I had a lot of fun picking names to our future child. but...when u wanted to name the child,"Akuma", i got a little sad.. Then u would change in to another name, but that was kind of an unique name too...haha... did you really commit suicide? or were u really in an accident, i still do not know. i still have all the memories we had, i havent met a guy who toped you. why did i let u go, why did i make that dicission. how was i so stupid. i love u so much, i still cant believe u re not here anymore, how is heaven? i wanted to die wth u . Now, i cant do that.  how should i live? i dont have a life anymore. my life has no value, i dont wanna see any guy but you, come down from heaven! Now! i cant take it anymore! u cant...... u cant come down....... i knew u had a girlfriend and im so envy of her. i wanted to be in her shoes, but i think i wasnt able to face the sadness. how strong she is, where should i go? U loved her, she loved u.. Please please i want to keep u in my heart, i can hear tthat there should be no space of Ur love in my heart, please, i need ur exitence. please i cannot forgive my self of saying goodbye to u. i am so sorry... i apologize every second with my heart, i am so sorry can i..? can I keep u in my heart? im so sorry. I want to, i will not beg for more, i will not beg for money or anything, just the existence of u in my heart. that is the only thing i wish for, so please forgive me , i am so sorry. i wanted to die with u , why arent u in this life? you were too young to die, i wanted to share hapy momments, and sad momments with you. even though if had tried while being together, i shall thank to God for the length of time we shared as much as possible. Death, i cant believe your really gone, i still cant believe that . when i saw your father crying, the reality struck me. u were gone , but in my mind i had a strong dicission in my head. I have to live i have to live for myself, and you. but now.... i dont have that strength anymore. my life is just an afterlife, where is my life without u? i am going to die oneday but with u death was never a scary thing. because if we were together, we were invincible. i will never be scared of death if u were right by my side. you were the only guy that i loved. Even though, yes my heart was away from you a little bit, but in the end i realized you were the only one. That was the momment i knew we were going to be together. God, you can be so cruel. why did you gave him that life, he should have live longer than that.  i have dicided, i am not going to promise i am gonna live for myself nor your life, i am going to keep you withen my heart, and live. I dont know about the future, but i know i will always carry you with me. in my heart. i shall get your forgiveness. even if it takes a long time, untill i die, i will fight for that. thank you thank you so much for living. to be born.